It’s only been the last few days where I was able to make it into work, and now I’m trying to slowly catch up with you all. While I do that, have a crappy iPhone photo of a scarf I started…

This scarf is made up of samples from the February Phat Fiber sampler box. A couple of the samples are actually ones that I spun from small batts. I have a couple more fiber samples that I need to finish spinning before I can call this scarf done. I’m letting all the ends hang for the meantime. Not sure if they’re visually appealing enough to leave them dangling or if I should take the time to weave them in.

A (somewhat of a) coworker (our positions cross paths, and we discuss work things, but lately we’ve been chattering outside of typical work comm’s) instant messaged me, and we chatter for a bit. At some point during the chat, she mentioned that she had tried to learn how to crochet. Well, I don’t know about you, but everytime someone says that, I kind of squee and mentally bounce around. She admitted to being able to crochet a long line (I’m assuming a long row of chain stitches or maybe single crochet), but not being able to understand instructions.

She had picked up Debbie Stohler’s “Stitch ‘n’ Bitch Crochet: The Happy Hooker”, but was still having issues with the language and what she was reading. (As an aside, I admit to not having purchased “The Happy Hooker”, but mostly because each time I browse the book I am not won over.) This woman is far from dim, so I could tell right away that she was one of us–if by “us” you insert “one who learns by seeing in action what she could not grasp on paper.” You know–us.

I gave her the location of my how-to videos online, promised that if we both make it to San Francisco at our employer’s headquarters, then I’d help her even further. I also told her to check out “Teach Yourself Visually Crocheting”, as a lot of the photos and instruction are clear. “But this one,” she said, referring to the former book, “says ‘bitch’!” To which I could only chuckle. She’s a firecracker!

This conversation with her got me to thinking about (1) how mainstream skills like crocheting and knitting have become–they’re not as subversive as they may have once been; and (2) I just really like to help people. I mean, that’s the reason I started the crochet tutorials; that’s one of the reasons I’ve kept up with the podcast; and, work related, it’s one of the reasons I love my job so much.

I enjoy making the videos for both the users I help at TypePad and the visitors to this site and over at the YouTube channel. I enjoy being friendly and giving and making people feel good for contacting me in the first place.

Those of you who e-mail me, asking me to explain a stitch? I love that.

Those of you who open a support ticket at TypePad, or use the contact form, I love troubleshooting the issue you’re having, then giving you the means to fix it yourself, or being asked to fix it for you.

It’s just who I am. I am a people-pleasing, user- and visitor- friendly, cranky-soothing person. It has to be in my genes, or maybe I’m a product of my environment, but whatever it is… it’s not hurting me. So, I’ll just keep on swimming along, helping my fellow people, whether it’s with their stitches or their blogs.

Okay, I know what you must be thinking: why is she dyeing yarn when she could be crocheting?

To which I reply: I have been crocheting! In fact, I have been working on the following:

• body of a purse in fingering weight yarn that will be felted
• swatch for Spring submission to crochet magazine
• full garment that swatch is based off of for sister-in-law to model and keep

That’s busy, right? On top of work, I feel pretty good about my progress. If I could only stop sleeping, I’d have more time!

My birthday is coming up on the 14th of this month, which is both exciting and scary. It’s exciting for two reasons: (1) my mother has promised to make carrot-raisin salad, which is died-and-gone-to-heaven delicious; and (2) it’s a day solely about me (even though i will probably do what everyone else wants to do)! The scary part is that I’m turning 28. I’m almost out of my 20′s and into my 30′s. Some people say I’m just a kid, and I know I act it sometimes because I’m, umm, very young at heart ( *wink* ). I just think it’s the whole getting older thing, and I don’t want too many more years to pass by without anything really exciting happening. I want to live, rather than exist, you know? And a lot of these years have been spent just existing.

Maybe that’s why I finally decided to start submitting designs, or planning children with the girlfriend (we’re starting insemination this year–August or September). But there needs to be more. I want to travel. I want to ride more rollercoasters…

I want more time. I have so much that I don’t get to do in a day, how the hell am I supposed to do it all in a year?

As freaked as I am about time slipping, I have to say that I feel pretty good about 28. I have a feeling it’s going to bring some awesome things. Excitement, pleasure, fun…it should be worth the initial scare.

My coworkers, especially, are something I can feel thankful for. They were very supportive when C. and I were dealing with a sick Remix the first couple weeks of my new job. They were even more supportive when C. and I had to make that decision that no one wants to make about/for their animals.

We said a final goodbye to Remix on the 22nd of May, which both feels like a lifetime ago and just this morning. *sigh* What are we to do but move forward? It’s hard when we think we see him in one of his usual napping spots. The mind playing tricks, surely, and we haven’t really forgotten that he’s gone, but sometimes our hearts clutch and our breath leaves us, then we’re reminded all over again that he didn’t come home with us, and we won’t be seeing him again.

Remix
(late 2007, on C’s brothers bed)

I’ve crocheted a bit, but nothing specific. I won some yarn from a Giveaway, some lovely handspun in colors that remind me of rainbow sherbert. It’s kind of scratchy–ok, totally scratchy–so I’m going to felt it and, hopefully, turn it into a little bag. I love the colors a lot, so it should be a good little summer handbag.

The podcast has been on my mind a lot, as have the video tutorials. My schedule with work, up until starting tomorrow, hasn’t been formally set, but once I get into the groove of the new schedule (3pm-12pm EST/EDT), I should be able to start figuring out when it’ll be best to record and shoot. I hope soon. I’m feeling kind of lost without talking to you. Pathetic of me, right? I might need to scale back to once a month until I get my footing again.

Hope you’re all well, enjoying the weather wherever you are, and are having a great time crocheting something fun.

Anyway, this time now seems to be just a huge adjustment phase, along with scary bits and a lot of debt (I think we’re closing in on $700, with $90 in our checking account–eek!). I’m trying to keep up with things, keep myself sane and relaxed, but that’s always difficult. I don’t really have the time for recording a podcast, but I’ll try to get something in the next week or two. Crochet-wise, I’m just picking stuff up here and there. I had to stop working on the Stash Eater blanket because I ran out of Red Heart SS (Light Blue/#0381) before I could finish the last round. I’m going to look at it later to see if I can come up with anything creative. I’m not going to buy any to finish it off, because that negates the whole getting rish of old stash, you know?

In the meantime, Marly sent me supplies to test her design that was accepted into Interweave Crochet Fall ’08. I’m really excited! The only thing that makes me grumpy is that I can’t find a steel hook smaller than a size 10 anywhere near me. Money being as tight as it is, with the Vet bills, and not getting my first check yet, well, I can’t rationalize driving a half hour away (gas is $3.71 here, unless it increased since last night) just to find a hook that may or may not be stocked. So, since I can’t find one, and am not going to drive aimlessly looking for one, I decided to crochet her pattern without the element that requires the Teeniest Hook in the World EVER. ;)

Now, to get off-topic from crochet, I thought I’d share that bit about Remix. It’s a lot of “bit”, which is why it’s cut behind the “Read More” link. You’ll appreciate that in a minute if you decide to read. This copy&paste of what Caryn (the girlfriend) wrote in her journal is from the beginning of our Remix-being-sick troubles to almost current, so…

Remix Update: Not Good

Vet = not good.

The doctor said pretty much that there was no best case scenario. Two of the really bad options he’d need to be transferred elsewhere to see a specialist. One option means antibiotics for the rest of his life, with the chance of this happening again whenever he gets stressed. [He pretty much gets stressed everyday!] If he has liver failure he doesn’t have much of a chance at all. AND he has a heart murmur. I’m still not sure if that’s related directly to this or not. The silver lining was that one incredibly bad prospect wasn’t likely because he didn’t seem sick enough. Even that’s not 100% for sure though.

Just a two day stay there, with an IV and catheter and the blood tests [some which had to be sent out] and those other stupid tiny fees they tack on for every last thing, and then, assuming he comes home in two days, his food and medications, was all initially going to be 800$. We had to pay at least half upfront, and then the other half would be due when we picked him up. Bri’s mom could cover the initial half, but the money we have right now needs to go towards rent and bills and then to last us till bri gets her first paycheck, in two weeks. Meaning we couldn’t cover the entire second half. Not now. But this place is not fond of payment plans. [What would they do if we can't pay the second half? Keep our cat hostage? only return half of him?]

We talked to the doctor about the cost and how it wasn’t entirely feasible for us, especially not since this is just the beginning, and she was able to change up some stuff, but it was still over 600$

So, he’ll be there for 2 days. We will hopefully hear about 1 blood test today, and then i guess the other tomorrow. I don’t feel like i really know the specifics of anything at all, even though some things we had her explain more than once. It was so hard to absorb, and the doctor really liked talking in doctor speak, and the hope that this could be something simple was crushed right away, and i don’t think we were capable of handling that.

So. Yeah. We went ahead with trying to find out what’s going on, even though we have very little chance of actually being able to afford most of the treatment to keep him alive. I guess that might be dumb, but we can’t just sit back and say he needs to be put down right this instant because we were caught at a bad time financially. I’m also pretty sure that even though we’ve just been given an incredibly bleak outlook, and we’re completely aware of the bad options we will likely have to face, we can’t really think of it as reality. I still think, deep down, he’ll be home in two days and perfectly fine. I can sit and cry and somehow in my head this will work out all sunshine and daisies like. I don’t know how that works exactly, but there it is anyways.

Remix Update: He’s Coming Home

Update on remix: He’s coming home today. He responded well enough to whatever they did [it was an alternate to an IV, i think something like injecting fluids under his skin? i can't remember.] With the in house blood tests they found that he’s anemic, but not enough to need a transfusion, and i think bri said [i was told all this while finally sleeping] that he ate and drank on his own. I’m totally confused though, because while i thought she said something as we were leaving about picking him up today [i assumed i heard wrong] all the paperwork was for the two days we’d discussed initially. I’m hoping this means we were overcharged. Cause seriously? only a 200$ drop in price when they didn’t even keep him for a full day, didn’t put him on an IV, etc? [He was supposed to be picked up at 5:30, and i'm hoping the delay in her return isn't because she's having to fight them on cost.]

i guess we will have to force feed him while he’s home, and we’ll just have to wait till tomorrow for the major blood tests they sent out to know what it is that is going on.

Remix Update: He Came Home

Another Remix update:

He came home this evening. We have to force feed him occassionally, which is a lot less hard than i expected. There is a pill he needs to take every 12 hours, and we have to syringe water orally afterwards to make sure the pill doesn’t get stuck. [The funny thing is it's the same type of syringe we're going to get for the sperminating! Bri pulled it out and my first thought was "we're going to make babies with that!"]

If he’s not drinking enough we can take him back in for another of those shots to hydrate him tomorrow. We’re tracking the weight of his water bowl with my shipping scale so we know for sure.

The doctor won’t be in tomorrow, so someone else will call us with the results of the one major test, which i believe has to do with his liver, since it’s important to know right away if that is what we are dealing with. And we bring him back in on thursday.

Financially the doctor helped us out ALOT. She’s holding off on one of the tests that needs to be sent out, which Bri explained to me but i can’t remember the reason for. [It's very annoying. My brain is having a hard time holding on to all this information.] I think total so far it’s only been somewhere around 350$ Which is great and all, but i know once we know for sure what is going on, it’s going to be a lot harder to reign in the costs.

Remix Update: After the First Night Home, The Doctor Calls

Remix had a good night. Lots of energy, not wanting to be locked up in the room, walking all over the place. He even came to me when i called him, jumped on the couch and let me love on him for almost an hour. [That's usually what happens with Bri, not so much me. Granted i was the only one awake.] The past couple of days he’s had a hard time getting up on the bed, but all night he was up, down, up down. He ate all the food we left out for him, and he peed a few times.

We’re getting some canned pumpkin to give him along with his prescribed wet food, since it’s loaded with good stuff and should help him poop.

We haven’t heard back about the liver tests yet, but we do know it’s NOT leukemia or FIV. [Our vet wasn't supposed to be in today, but she went in specifically so she could see the results they had so far and call us herself. So now we love her. Not that she sucked to start out with (though, ok, some of me thought she did the first time she came in to talk to us) but she's grown on me since.]

She also said his outlook is looking much better today than it did yesterday, after doing so well all day and all night.

She DOES want to push ahead with the other tests now though, which are 300$, but said that so long as he continues doing well it’s something we can push back till Bri gets her paycheck.

Remix Update: Post-Checkup

He’s gained 1/4 of a pound and his anemia is in check, maybe a teensy bit better. The bad is of course that he’s back to not eating or drinking for himself, and the bloodwork showed bad things, but again i can’t really explain it. I spend so much time trying to understand what she’s saying while she’s saying it [and i typically do] that most of what she says previously is lost. But i know there is clotting, though there are also new blood cells, trying to fight whatever it is he has. I think i need to start recording all our conversations with her.

She said though, that sometimes with these blood parasite type things, they are not identifiable. They can do every test, and take every pro-active step they can think of, but some cats get better and some cats don’t.

They gave him more liquids under the skin, and a B12 shot as well. We got more food, and a probiotic to go in it, and we just need to keep forcing him water and food every few hours. She said the pumpkin was fine too, which i was glad of. We’re supposed to call tomorrow afternoon and give her an update and from there she’ll decide if he needs to come back in.

She did say she wants us to consider putting him on steroids. The good is it will make him a little stronger, hungrier, thirstier, and feel better [whether he is or not] but the bad is that there is a chance it makes him much more ill. So she’s giving us till the weekend i guess to think about it. I have no idea what to do about that. It almost sounded like there was a 50/50 chance of it, and so it’s hard to say whether it’s worth it or not. [Obviously, if it makes him better, that's good, but he's so so weak right now i can only see him dying if he gets worse.]

And that’s all of the copy and paste that I have for you. I’m about to make sure he’s eaten some more before I go crochet. Maybe I’ll make him cuddle on the bed. I have to pick him up and put him on the bed, because losing the majority of his muscle mass has made him too weak to jump by himself. :( Anyway, until next time…